Thinking

So I just got off the phone with my best friend of all time, and I realized something. I cannot hold an serious conversation with anyone, and I don't even mean a serious conversation I mean more of an adult conversation something without jokes or strange noises interrupting, I cant just speak my mind, and just tell people things that are important to me. And maybe that's a fault in my personality or just who i think i should be because that what people expect me to be . . . i also think its because I'm a little afraid, afraid of what people would think of me and how they would respond to me thinking with some reason behind my words or some feeling or emotion being expressed. but i want people to see that i want to change, i want to be able to speak to someone and sound smart, i want someone to be able to describe me to someone who is thoughtful, or deep, I don't want people to say i am funny or annoying or whatever else. I want people to know the real me and not this fake person i pretend to be because i am afraid to be myself. well i guess i shouldn't say pretend person, that really me and the way i think but sometimes i am much more. I know this is a lot to take in, and i know you don't get everything you want but i think i should be honest with you and let you in on the secret that i have sane thoughts,

like in a video i watched tonight, it talked about Peter in the bible getting out of the boat and walking on water toward Jesus and he started to sink, he started sinking not because he lost he faith in Jesus- Jesus wasn't sinking it was because he lost faith in himself. I have always been told to have faith in God but i never looked at the other way, God has faith in us, he believes in me and believes that i can be his disciple. I want to be a disciple for Jesus meaning that I want to be like him, and God has faith in me and knows that I do that, because he wouldn't give me a challenge i couldn't handle, would he? Would he tell me to try and be his disciple if he though I couldn't do it? If he believes that i can do it than shouldn't I, shouldn't I strive to be that person and not be held back by the feeling that its to hard? So it really comes down to, do i believe in myself? Do you?

HUH?

Mind Control

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OK, I quit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! jkdf