Teeter - Tot of Love

So you know those people you talk to all the time on the phone then you guys don't talk for a while. Well, I'm in one of those situations, and its been forever since I've talked to this person, But they said the WILL call me - so I wait. I hope this doesn't sound stupid but when I wait like this I start second guessing myself and thinking that maybe they are mad at me or maybe I have annoyed them to the point of no return. And I start getting mad at myself even when I know they are busy and they will call me. Why do I let myself get to me like that? I know whats right but I still stress myself out, worrying about their feelings when they are really the ones who didn't call me. I should be mad, shouldn't I? I'm not but anyways . . .This whole thing made me think about something I have been taught my whole life and it didn't all sink in till now

Love your neighbor as yourself

Now, I have always been taught to live my neighbors but I never thought about it in reverse. I need to love myself as I love others. If I love my neighbor as myself in this instance, I don't love my neighbor very much. This is like an intense teeter- tot of love. I have to love others and myself, then I should also treat them how I would like to be treated. That makes me ask if I am treating myself the way I would like to be treated? And if the answer is No, then I'm not the person I want to be. But I already knew that. I don't want to worry about why they haven't called me. That shouldn't be a priority of mine. I should be out living for God and no one else.Who cares about a phone call? Ok, I do but I'm not going to dwell on why It hasn't came.

Love

So today I worked 6 hours, 3:45- 9:45, and it was possibly the worst time at work I have ever had. First, woked with someone who is nice but was very tired and never does there job, just makes me mad cause I have to do there job for them or tell them what to do, I dislike being that way, makes me look like a jerk. So anyway, I worked three partys, the first party was nice, real boring and long(typical party.) My next party is the reason I am writing this blog, there was a huge fight in my party. There was a man who broght his girlfriend or wife who knows, and then his old girl friend was there, she was mad that he broght the girl and the girls kids to the party. So she runs out of the party, keys the mans car, comes back in tells him she did it, grabs her son, goes to but the kids shoes on, the man comes over to say goodbye to his son, she pushes him into the wall, she gets up to leave carrying her son. The man runs over spreads his arms wide and smacks her as hard as he could in the back of her head, her head then bounces around, hits her head on her sons face, which broke the little boys nose. She runs out of the room, and I run for my manger. I had the other two boys working in the other room stay with my lazy friend who I was working with. My manger took me outside to make sure they were not fighting in the parking lot, and to identify the man so she could tell him to he couldn't come back inside, so I froze my butt off, really its gone. My last pary was borinig but alright as far as 15, 8 year old boys go. Then I had two party rooms to clean instead of the usual one.

Why can we just love one another? Why? When does violence seem like the better choice? That party just made me relize how important love is to my everyday life. It violence seems reasonable over love at any point in my life I need a serious change. If I dont stop and think of concequence before I act, this could happen to me. But this is what this world is coming to, keying, puching, hitting not only a girl but a little innocent boy. Where do we live, is this place filled with any decent people or are we all mean hateful people? Where is the love?

The little things

So I was talking to my friend the other day and she let me in on her thoughts about the school prayer group that I sorta(not really) lead everyother day. She told me it was a joke and that its just a hang out for people, the prayer part of it is all fake. Well, that really through me off, alot. I was really upset, and for alittle bit it was at her for telling me how she viewed the prayer group, but then i got thinking about it and I was really mad that she didnt see what I saw. I saw a group of people who enjoyed being together, people who aleast have some faith, people who just want to be together. To me its just a safe place to be, filled with people I can just talk to and get to know. In school I really dislike that I dont often get time to jsut talk to people and figure out who they are. I just my prayer group time for that, but to others its all nothing. I like to think that the people I talked to can see God through me and when I talk to them I am doing somthing for God, just little things, I like to think that I make a difference in my school and what she said just robbed me of all the joy that I got from knowing that I did something for God today. I got to thinking about what satesfaction I got from knowing that I did something for God today, then I realised that I didnt need that. I shouldn't need to have that joy, or feel good about myself for doing Gods will. That is just selfish of me, and a little stupid. I know the little things are important and they matter, I know I am making a difference and I dont need some girl to tell me that the prayer group is or isn't amking a difference. She didnt know it then but she really hurt me but I'm not mad infact I'm glad, I got to learn more about myself and what other people saw when they looked at the prayer group. In away I'm glad its that way, it makes it easier for nonchristians to come and feel confortable with all of us. That gives me more of a chance to talk to people, I like my worthless prayer group. I dont want it to be serious like some people think it should be, I want it to be a hang out where we can talk and get to know each other but I like that we do pray because I want the people coming to see that it still its all about God and thats what its all about but I dont want the pressure of having to particapate.

Don't get me wrong I am not mad that this girl shared this with me, I dont want this to turn into something between us, becasue she might read this blog. I have nothing against her, she is my friend, I respect her, and her thoughts.

Thinking

So I just got off the phone with my best friend of all time, and I realized something. I cannot hold an serious conversation with anyone, and I don't even mean a serious conversation I mean more of an adult conversation something without jokes or strange noises interrupting, I cant just speak my mind, and just tell people things that are important to me. And maybe that's a fault in my personality or just who i think i should be because that what people expect me to be . . . i also think its because I'm a little afraid, afraid of what people would think of me and how they would respond to me thinking with some reason behind my words or some feeling or emotion being expressed. but i want people to see that i want to change, i want to be able to speak to someone and sound smart, i want someone to be able to describe me to someone who is thoughtful, or deep, I don't want people to say i am funny or annoying or whatever else. I want people to know the real me and not this fake person i pretend to be because i am afraid to be myself. well i guess i shouldn't say pretend person, that really me and the way i think but sometimes i am much more. I know this is a lot to take in, and i know you don't get everything you want but i think i should be honest with you and let you in on the secret that i have sane thoughts,

like in a video i watched tonight, it talked about Peter in the bible getting out of the boat and walking on water toward Jesus and he started to sink, he started sinking not because he lost he faith in Jesus- Jesus wasn't sinking it was because he lost faith in himself. I have always been told to have faith in God but i never looked at the other way, God has faith in us, he believes in me and believes that i can be his disciple. I want to be a disciple for Jesus meaning that I want to be like him, and God has faith in me and knows that I do that, because he wouldn't give me a challenge i couldn't handle, would he? Would he tell me to try and be his disciple if he though I couldn't do it? If he believes that i can do it than shouldn't I, shouldn't I strive to be that person and not be held back by the feeling that its to hard? So it really comes down to, do i believe in myself? Do you?

HUH?

Mind Control

I have some important topics to discuss with you today! Unfortunately my brain isn't working ksda quite right sd and i seem to randomly break off into skldjf messed up wrods tth that dont belong kju there and make what I am wr writing hard to read ajksldf nd jkfi jkv. It seems totjf to be uncontrollable ohi and nothing I do sdh seems jkfh to bksjdf be helping! It seems to be fskldjf asf getting worse kasdjf fnv kjdfnweo nvoanr . . . jfhvh AH Help aksdjfnv ME!!! kldn! adsjf djk J i can't skd jkf type kjldf like this! kjf jvnhsdf kjfmei nvnds fjoifne kvvmk kdk kd lkjdfnoi ke ing kdnfi kkp udyi nwqqqqzkj xxin jfl lkdfiejmm jalijfn vnisdf mrnoodfnn wlicnnal iennv jwbneir ksaj nvioenv lauh deddelcccccccc kdfj klla akjfdd qw nibv irkkdkjv!





OK, I quit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! jkdf

Blog Comment Abusers!

Ok, what is with people? People are having conversations in my comments. They are sorta to me but not at the same time. This werid use of my blog to talk to one another is crazy. I enjoy your comments but are they really for me? I just spent my time reading MY comments, but they weren't really for me at all. I would like to annouce that Rob, Marc, and Lindsey are blog comment abusers!!!!!! Yea, thats right I called them that! Ok, I know that was a little over the top and mean, I'm sorry. I was just kidding, use my blog to talk to your friends, I just write these things for no reason. Oh No, my feeling weren't hurt, I'm grateful that you all would pick my blog to talk through! In fact, I'm looking forward to what conversations come from this post. Thanks for all you coments! haha I can't believe I wrote that much about nothing! Oh and if you weren't a blog comment abuser already start, tons of fun! Check out there comments on my Maeby blog!

Maeby

So I have a friend, Maeby is her name, she is a black pug. I love her! But she just moved into a house without me. I can't see her anymore! Its so sad. I wanna see her! She is happy where she is, she is with friends. She has family there and doesn't need me. I still miss her though! Do you think she even remembers me? I don't, but I still miss her no matter what she remembers. Oh yea, this picture isn't even of her, its just random hot dogs. So Sad!

Kazoo

I just got a kazoo! I'm trying to learn how to play it. Its sorta harder than I thought it would be, but I will get it. My kazoo is blue and gold, castle colors! I am sick of it already. Its alot like the trumpet I used to play, I don't like trumpet, mostly because I cant read music. It is confusing and no fun. I wonder if someone would give me kazoo lessons, that would be weird. Its sorta and annoying instrument. I don't think anyone would be able to play it very long. I like Kazoos!!!

Scarecrow Butt

Yea, so I just wanted to put a awsome picture on here so you all can complain about how I am so gross and disgusting. This is that picture, found my mother not I. I really hope this doesnt bug anyone, I think its funny. I think he showes the Holloween Spirt.

I love the month of October, I have haunted houses, and free candy. People really get into this thing, dressing up and its really fun to look at what people decorate there house like. Well I wanted to write more but Lindsey and Marc are here so I must go.

Family

This is my Family all with my sisters hair on. I think we look mega strange but that's us, strange. I didn't even mess with this picture my father did it. And people wonder where I get my weird ways. I believe my older brother, James, looks the best. I am the one on the far left, and I do not like long hair. It bugs me, and to frankly I cant handle it. Taking care of it would be a horrible chore. But despite my previous feelings about long hair, I don't think it looks that bad.

kazoo karate

ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!! marc told me to get one of them's things, so i done it! now i was finished! hello bye!