Update

Just wanted to let you all know whats going down in the brain of Emmy! Big fun, I know your curious and a little afraid, all valid feeling though. I have been in a general good mood with others, I get annoyed easy but I get over it, its no biggy. haha. But with my faith, I don't really know. lately I have made my relationship with God into a religion. I feel so fake, I put so much pressure on myself about reading the bible everyday and not making mistakes in front of others that I lost sight of what really matters. God and our constant love for one another. I am stupid, I get it. Its good to know that I can admit these things. Sometime I screw up and you know what I DON'T always read the bible. I make mistakes, but I am only human. Now, I am moving towards improving these areas of my life.

College

So today was a super exciting day. It consisted of getting up early, going to math class, coming home, doing 3 and a half hours of homework, eating 3 cookies, picking up my sister from school, doing 1 and a half hours of nothing but homework, took a math quiz, went to work, came home, died. That's pretty much it. My math is so boring. Its just stuff I learned about freshman year. I sit in class and daydream about chocolate milk. Its like when you are a grown up but someone still gives you kiddie scissors to cut with. I feel like I could be in harder maths but this is the one they told me was right for me, and that if I went into a harder one I would struggle.
College is fun though, I enjoy the one or two classes a week instead of everyday. I don't really like this online work. I had my first, college stinks conversation today, even though I don't think it stanks, well except the homework, I figured it was fun talking about it stinking. I just talk about things for amusement sometimes. haha, I am a weirdo!
Well, its been fun giving this little update, but I have a crazy headache and a bunch of homework left to do. I'll leave the homework for tomorrow though. Night You All!!!!!!

Blogs + DP

Blogging is not an easy task nor is is one that I can keep up with. I struggle to find interesting topics for you to read about. I am sorry that my writing skills lack the prompt and timely manner in wish you long for. I have a college English class to tend to now and my blog writings we be suffering for it. I feel sorrow that my writing will be farther down on my list of items to take care of, although I find it relaxing and fun. Since I seem to have found time to write you this gloomy message, I feel obliged to give you a little more to read than just my sad story.



I am having a Dr Pepper(DP) problem, its so addictive that I am having trouble following my one a day rule. The stuff is so good and when you call it DP it sounds awesome. You must have one and call it that, for it makes it taste even better. When you drink it you turn into a superhero, you are filled with this sense of floating. As your mouth fills with this delicious substance you start to glow for you have tasted DP. The smell of it is just intoxicating.The drink of the intelligent, the beautiful, and the boss.

Now I realize that this drink is bad for you and I should drink water. You are right, I know all this and yet I drink anyway; ignoring you maybe even drinking in spite of you. No I drink because its good, not cause of you. The reason I drink even when I know how bad it happens to be very simple, its just that I don't have deserts, I resist that temptation to have super surgery stuff, and candy, and chocolate. I have DP as my little comfort "food." I understand, they are still bad for you, I got it. I am trying to drink less, and I will succeed. I just really like the stuff.

Crazy Talk

So lately I have been trapped between my love for others and them constantly hurting me. I always give second chances, no matter what they always redeem themselves in my eyes and its like all is forgotten. I guess I do this becasue God constantly forgives my sins so if I am to be like him I must for give and forget also right. Well I followed this for a real long time but now I have decided that I must also guard my heart from things that hurt me or affect my walk with God. I can't keep getting distracted by others sins when I have my own to worry about, right? That sounds so selfish but I can't help others get to know Christ when I myself am struggling to maintain my relationship with my Lord. So what do I do now, harden my heart to all that suround me in fear that they might one day let me down? NO, I live for today and trust that God is going to watch out for me. If I get distracted by others thats my own fault! I know what I need to focus on, and its my downfall if I can concentrate. I shuouldn't be blameing others for my sins. I know what is right and wrong. I am going to love others and not care if they try and hurt me. Yea, go ahead and try! I'm not going let that hold me back!

Teeter - Tot of Love

So you know those people you talk to all the time on the phone then you guys don't talk for a while. Well, I'm in one of those situations, and its been forever since I've talked to this person, But they said the WILL call me - so I wait. I hope this doesn't sound stupid but when I wait like this I start second guessing myself and thinking that maybe they are mad at me or maybe I have annoyed them to the point of no return. And I start getting mad at myself even when I know they are busy and they will call me. Why do I let myself get to me like that? I know whats right but I still stress myself out, worrying about their feelings when they are really the ones who didn't call me. I should be mad, shouldn't I? I'm not but anyways . . .This whole thing made me think about something I have been taught my whole life and it didn't all sink in till now

Love your neighbor as yourself

Now, I have always been taught to live my neighbors but I never thought about it in reverse. I need to love myself as I love others. If I love my neighbor as myself in this instance, I don't love my neighbor very much. This is like an intense teeter- tot of love. I have to love others and myself, then I should also treat them how I would like to be treated. That makes me ask if I am treating myself the way I would like to be treated? And if the answer is No, then I'm not the person I want to be. But I already knew that. I don't want to worry about why they haven't called me. That shouldn't be a priority of mine. I should be out living for God and no one else.Who cares about a phone call? Ok, I do but I'm not going to dwell on why It hasn't came.

Love

So today I worked 6 hours, 3:45- 9:45, and it was possibly the worst time at work I have ever had. First, woked with someone who is nice but was very tired and never does there job, just makes me mad cause I have to do there job for them or tell them what to do, I dislike being that way, makes me look like a jerk. So anyway, I worked three partys, the first party was nice, real boring and long(typical party.) My next party is the reason I am writing this blog, there was a huge fight in my party. There was a man who broght his girlfriend or wife who knows, and then his old girl friend was there, she was mad that he broght the girl and the girls kids to the party. So she runs out of the party, keys the mans car, comes back in tells him she did it, grabs her son, goes to but the kids shoes on, the man comes over to say goodbye to his son, she pushes him into the wall, she gets up to leave carrying her son. The man runs over spreads his arms wide and smacks her as hard as he could in the back of her head, her head then bounces around, hits her head on her sons face, which broke the little boys nose. She runs out of the room, and I run for my manger. I had the other two boys working in the other room stay with my lazy friend who I was working with. My manger took me outside to make sure they were not fighting in the parking lot, and to identify the man so she could tell him to he couldn't come back inside, so I froze my butt off, really its gone. My last pary was borinig but alright as far as 15, 8 year old boys go. Then I had two party rooms to clean instead of the usual one.

Why can we just love one another? Why? When does violence seem like the better choice? That party just made me relize how important love is to my everyday life. It violence seems reasonable over love at any point in my life I need a serious change. If I dont stop and think of concequence before I act, this could happen to me. But this is what this world is coming to, keying, puching, hitting not only a girl but a little innocent boy. Where do we live, is this place filled with any decent people or are we all mean hateful people? Where is the love?

The little things

So I was talking to my friend the other day and she let me in on her thoughts about the school prayer group that I sorta(not really) lead everyother day. She told me it was a joke and that its just a hang out for people, the prayer part of it is all fake. Well, that really through me off, alot. I was really upset, and for alittle bit it was at her for telling me how she viewed the prayer group, but then i got thinking about it and I was really mad that she didnt see what I saw. I saw a group of people who enjoyed being together, people who aleast have some faith, people who just want to be together. To me its just a safe place to be, filled with people I can just talk to and get to know. In school I really dislike that I dont often get time to jsut talk to people and figure out who they are. I just my prayer group time for that, but to others its all nothing. I like to think that the people I talked to can see God through me and when I talk to them I am doing somthing for God, just little things, I like to think that I make a difference in my school and what she said just robbed me of all the joy that I got from knowing that I did something for God today. I got to thinking about what satesfaction I got from knowing that I did something for God today, then I realised that I didnt need that. I shouldn't need to have that joy, or feel good about myself for doing Gods will. That is just selfish of me, and a little stupid. I know the little things are important and they matter, I know I am making a difference and I dont need some girl to tell me that the prayer group is or isn't amking a difference. She didnt know it then but she really hurt me but I'm not mad infact I'm glad, I got to learn more about myself and what other people saw when they looked at the prayer group. In away I'm glad its that way, it makes it easier for nonchristians to come and feel confortable with all of us. That gives me more of a chance to talk to people, I like my worthless prayer group. I dont want it to be serious like some people think it should be, I want it to be a hang out where we can talk and get to know each other but I like that we do pray because I want the people coming to see that it still its all about God and thats what its all about but I dont want the pressure of having to particapate.

Don't get me wrong I am not mad that this girl shared this with me, I dont want this to turn into something between us, becasue she might read this blog. I have nothing against her, she is my friend, I respect her, and her thoughts.